water leaks!

Well, there are currently four maintenance men in our little dorm suite. Thanks to random mini-flooding twice in 14 hours and an air conditioner that I can't use because it smokes up the room and makes the whole hall smell like death, they're spending some pretty significant time around here.

Out of respect for them and the crazy chaos that's happening, I'm not running around and taking pictures right now, but I can show you the aftermath:

We've been running these noisy fans for 48 hours straight, trying to get the carpet all of the way dried out again. (We're still not there yet...)

In their leakage investigation, they took out a cinder block from one of our walls (sledgehammers and picks, whole nine yards), pulled out some piping, put some PVC in, and did their best to cover it back up with a grate.

While we were getting the whole water leak figured out, we also threw out the fact that somewhere in the pile of maintenance requests on their radar was the fact that my air conditioner is unusable due to the fact that turning it on fills my room up with smoke and makes the whole floor smell like death.




Basically, this has been an exercise in patience and the ability to laugh at my situations. God's got things under control, and He throws me for a loop sometimes to remind me to rely on Him.

pen and pencil

I know, I know, Julia is posting TWO things in ONE weekend?!
I guess that's just the beauty of J-Term and where my heart's at right now.

I love being an SLA because sometimes it gives me a front seat to some of the AMAZING stuff God is doing, and it sure keeps me humble.
The other night I was talking with a bunch of my girls about their NT homework, and I watched one of them go through the same revelation that I did last year:

 Sometimes, the things we grew up hearing about God, spirituality, 

and other weighty issues aren't actually biblically founded.

Sure, everyone means well. No one does it intentionally. But when it comes to taking something that you believe about God, you really have to re-evaluate if it's a sound belief when you can't find a verse that says what you seem to think that it should.
This was attached to a conversation about a theology theory that our theology professors tend to share, which helps make sense of differing views: pen and pencil. Some of the things we believe, we [metaphorically] write down in pen. These are the things that we hold to be true; things that there is no debate over. God loves us. The miraculous mystery of the Trinity. Jesus' birth, death, resurrection, and our redemption. The rest we write in pencil. These are things that we still hold to be true, and that's perfectly okay, but they are not indisputable. God's relationship to time is one of the things my girls brought up; is God constrained by time? Does he know the future? Yup, we hit on the predestination // free will debate for a hot second in there. These are all things that we write in pencil.
When we discover the things that we thought should be in pen are shifting, aren't actually laid out in scripture, aren't as solid as we thought they were...it can be scary. It naturally invites doubt, which brings along fear.

"What are we supposed to write in pen? Can we really even put anything in pen?"

That was one of their reactions to our discussions. When pencil gets shaken or erased to be refined, everything in pen can start to feel like it's in jeopardy.

A few things were tossed around... we put the ten commandments in pen, we put Jesus' life, death, and resurrection in pen. We put God's Sovereignty in pen. We put that God loves us in pen.

After a very captivating and convicting at Spring Arbor Free Methodist Church this morning, God and I had some serious work we had to do. Near the end of the service, we were given time to just sit and listen for the voice of God. The sermon was on God's calling of Samuel, and his response: "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening."

[That's seriously a really bold claim: to be a servant. The translation of "I have heard you" can also be "my ears have been pierced." The way a servant voluntarily submitted to their master for the rest of their live involved the master driving a nail through their ear lobe. Kind of freaky, but very convicting. When we tell God that we're listening, when we ask Him to speak, we are also volunteering to submit to Him eternally, no matter the pain, no mater the cost, no questions asked. We're essentially telling God, "Nail my ear to your door frame, for I have heard your calling and I'm willing to listen." There's your Greek / theology lesson for the day. ANYWAY..]

So, an entire sanctuary filled with roughly 800 people sat in complete silence, listening for God. My journal came out, and I started writing. It took the form of a letter from God of things that I can truly write in pen; the unshakable truths that I'm all to guilty of forgetting.

When it's written in pen, there are no exceptions.

And I've spent the past few hours processing that, beginning to write in pen the things I know of Him to be true.

I do not claim to have it all together, but I do claim to have one really big God.

Child,

I love you.

[John 3:16, Psalm 130:7, 2 Corinthians 5:14]

I complete you.

[Psalm 139:5, Ephesians 3:19]

I protect you.

[Psalm 27:1, Psalm 46:1 & 5, Proverbs 18:10, Proverbs 19:23, Isaiah 31:5]

I know your heart, even deeper than you do.

[Psalm 94:11, Psalm 119:168, John 10:14 & 27]

I long for your joy,

[Luke 1:14, John 15:11, Acts 13:52]

for I Am your Joy.

[John 20:20, 1 Thessalonians 2:19 - 20, 1 Peter 1:8]

I Am your Life.

[Genesis 2:7, John 6:35, John 11:25, 1 John 3:16]

Follow me.

[Matthew 8:22, John 12:26, 1 Peter 2:21]

Let me form you.

[Psalm 139:15, Isaiah 64:8, Jeremiah 1:5]

Let me transform you.

[Romans 12:2, 1 Corinthians 15:51 - 52, 2 Corinthians 3:18]

Let me bring about the whole,

[Matthew 12:13, 1 Thessalonians 5:23 - 24]

beautiful,

[Ezekiel 16:7 & 13, Song of Songs 4:7, Romans 10:15]

flawless life

[Song of Songs 4:7, Song of Songs 5:2, 2 Samuel 22:31, Matthew 5:48]

that I have planned for you.

[Psalm 139:16, Jeremiah 29:11]

You are Mine.

[Isaiah 43:1, John 10:14 - 15]

Come,

[Psalm 100:2, Mark 10:14, John 14:6]

My Child,

[John 1:12, Romans 8:16, Galatians 3:26, Galatians 4:5, 2 Corinthians 6:18]

and rest

[Exodus 33:14, Hebrews 4:10, Psalm 23:2, Psalm 91:1, Matthew 11:28]

in peace,

[Isaiah 9:6, Romans 5:1, 1 Corinthians 14:33, Philippians 4:7]

for I have already won the war.

[John 16:33, Romans 8:31, Colossians 1:13]

letting go and grabbing hold.

[Philippians 3:12-14]

"I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to posses that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (NLT)

"Not that I have already obtained this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (ESV)

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward--to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." (The Message)

"It's not that I have already reached this goal or have already been perfected, but I pursue it, so that I may grab hold of it because Christ grabbed hold of me for just this purpose. Brothers and sisters, I myself don't think I've reached it, but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me. The goal I pursue is the prize of God's upward call in Christ Jesus." (CEB)

I had a really good meeting with Ron today, the first of many weekly check-ins, support sessions, and questions to be answered. It's such a blessing to have him so accessible, honest, and genuinely caring and wanting to pour into each student on campus.

I am beginning the process of letting go of a lot of things.
Here are some of them: 

• I'm letting go of my standard of unattainable perfection.
• I'm letting go of defining myself by my circumstances.
• I'm letting go of projecting my standards onto other people.
• I'm letting go of my pocket-sized God.
• I'm letting go of the walls I've built up to protect myself from judgement.
• I'm letting go of my standard of "good enough." 
• I'm letting go of my tendency to internalize my emotions.
• I'm letting go of doing things carelessly or out of routine.
• I'm letting go of my self-determined inability to be happy.
• I'm letting go of my fear of being content.
• I'm letting go of the assumption that something bad is always about to happen.
• I'm letting go of defining myself by my past.
• I'm letting go of projecting a certain personality dependent on who I'm with.
• I'm letting go of my compartmentalized life.
• I'm letting go of ... a lot of things. A lot of junk. A lot of pain. A lot of bad. 

These are things that I am learning how to leave behind. They're some of the things that I held so tightly that they destroyed my ability to do anything else.

I'm not to a point of setting them alongside the road while I journey on without them yet,

but I am learning how to hold them loosely, to let God use and change them, as he uses and changes me

and there is something so...

so healthy about that.

All of this is well and good. It's necessary. It's important. Heck, it's essential. It's what life is about, Christian or not. You have to learn to leave things you no longer need in the past instead of carrying it if you're going to get anywhere.

It's like monkey bars, you've got to let go of things 
and trust that your grabbing, needy hand will be 
met with something more concrete than air, something 
better able to support you and launch you towards 
where you're going, instead of where you've been.

But that's the thing...

for every thing that you let go of, you're left with a void.

For every habit, assumption, coping mechanism, and way of doing life that I'm learning to hold more loosely, there has to be things that I'm drawing closer to.

I have to be grabbing hold of things.

This is what's important, because this is what I forget.

I very quickly define my progress in life as the things I'm leaving behind.
I think that's what our culture is defining as progress. It's how we evaluate ourselves.

"I don't do this anymore. I don't do that anymore. I'm not clinging to this old way of life."

...but what am I doing?

What am I throwing myself into?

What am I progressing in?

What am I grabbing hold of?

This list is harder. This list is counter-intuitive to the way I've envisioned my progress so far.

But this list is just as important, if not more so.

• I'm grabbing hold of being an SLA and loving on my girls.
• I'm grabbing hold of typewriters and the 'doodle ministry.' 
• I'm grabbing hold of being the best student that I can be, in every area.
• I'm grabbing hold of seeking a deeper understanding of who I am.
• I'm grabbing hold of new knowledge.
• I'm grabbing hold of my future through working on my education;
• I'm grabbing hold of social ethics to apply to my practice someday.
• I'm grabbing hold of my dreams for my career.
• I'm grabbing hold of my ability to dream again.
• I'm grabbing hold of the study of scripture.
• I'm grabbing hold of the understanding I am gaining every day.
• I'm grabbing hold of the community in which I'm living.
• I'm grabbing hold of Christ's promises for me, scattered throughout His word and my life.
• I'm grabbing hold of the things that move my heart: 
• I'm grabbing hold of stories and case studies of broken people.
• I'm grabbing hold of the ways God seems to be steering me towards working with adolescents.
• I'm grabbing hold of relationships with professors and classmates as they present themselves.
• I am grabbing hold of CASE and other opportunities to volunteer.
• I am grabbing hold of ... progressing towards the woman of faith I was intended to be.

Grabbing hold, in many ways, can be harder than letting go.

It's one thing to let your fingers slip from the old bar, the old standard, the old coping... it's another to swing yourself forward using that momentum, to wrap your fingers around the next bar, the new standard, the new way of doing life.

But here's the thing.

If I don't grab hold of a new bar, if I don't take forward momentum, I get stuck.

Think of the monkey bar analogy again... I can not hang still by one hand for very long without falling off the band wagon entirely.

And I have done that before.

I have done that... a lot.

I've tried to go backwards, I've tried to regress, tried to return to the firm footing of the 'start'. 

And I have fallen down.

And again, here's the thing.

I don't hit the ground battered and bruised.

Sure, my hands are a little sore from the slip and my pride has taken a hit, but God sees to it that I get caught.

Usually He uses someone else's metaphorical hands in this.

He sees to it that I get scooped up into a hug, that I'm given a moment to put the breath back in my lungs. Sometimes my hands need bandaids, sometimes it's just my confidence in myself that needs to be restored.

And then I get put back on the monkey bars.

I don't get the firm footing of the ground when I fall. I don't go back to the beginning with the firm footing to step off from.
I never really get to collect my bearings before I get boosted to the same bar I was at before...

I don't have to rework all of the progress I've made since the beginning of the monkey-bar escapade called life, but I sure don't get to skip steps.

Sometimes I have to get put on the same bar multiple times,

Sometimes I have to get put on a bar right before in order to build up momentum again...

but I have to learn all of the lessons.

I have to let go time and time again of the same things in order to grab hold of better things.

Letting go is scary, and there is always a risk of falling down in the in-between times.

But there's also a risk of falling when both hands are clinging to bars...

but there is no journey in that.
There is no hope of anything better when we are unable to let go.

The hands of the Father are waiting,

let's all agree to try.

identity retreat.

I am an introvert.
I can't deny this fact, and I don't really want to.
Because it's good and genuinely important for me to get my alone time in.
But it also means that we need to do a little celebrating right now, because I have successfully attended TWO retreats, TWO weekends in a row.
[I can hear the applause right now from those of you that know me...I know. It's a big deal.]
And so the past two weekends I've been out and about and doing things.

Two weeks ago was the honors retreat...
laughing like goons and meeting other smart people and then making fun of ourselves for the dorks that we really are and then laughing some more
murder mystery dinner, photo scavenger hunt
meeting new people, strengthening existing friendships
(did I mention that it was also my birthday? yeah.
I turned 19 surrounded by a bunch of hysterical fellow dorks & there is absolutely no other way that I would have preferred to celebrate! Except for the fact that they made me stay up late so that they could actually sing to me at 12:01 am on my birthday. That wasn't the greatest...but good as a whole.)

But this weekend.
Ohhhhh, this weekend.
I was in NO way prepared for the things God was going to throw at me on this retreat.
Officially called the "Who Do You Think You Are?" retreat, less formally known (in part because it's easier to hashtag, if we're honest:) the Identity Retreat.
If I am genuinely honest, I went into the weekend with a terrible attitude. I didn't need to go on an identity retreat; I had my own issues and I had them figured out and I knew that God loved me and that was that. However, with a little prompting 10 days ago (after my ignoring God's nudging for weeks), I agreed to go. Heck, $35 bucks and I could spend a weekend off campus with a couple friends and listen to some speakers and maybe I'd walk away with a personal little nougat of truth that I could fit into my fantastic life mentality and sense of self.
I have been much too arrogant and self-absorbed lately. I have been focusing so much on myself that I've forgotten that everything God has extended to me, I need to extend to the people in my life.
[If I have been a jerk to you in the past few weeks or even months, I am sorry. I'm working on it...it is difficult, but I am growing.]





Though this blog isn't the place for me to share the depths of everything going on in my life (that's the other blog, actually. if you want access to that, let me know and i'll duke it out with you:), but I can share random quotes I heard, questions that resonated me, things I scrawled down, and tidbits I have taken to heart.

"How often do we actually stop everything to look at people in the eyes and think about the things that THEY carry? Who you are and your insecurities fall to the wayside as you think about their needs and their story...just by looking in their eyes."

"When I try to prove my identity through my actions I lose my identity in my limiting actions. I am who I am, no matter what I do."

"Getting everything we ever wanted does not satisfy our appetites, it merely increases them and frustrates our identity with what we have or don't have."

"If your 'stuff' isn't your identity, you can't make it someone else's identity, either."

[a personal favorite of mine...LOVE this one]
"I am not the person that I am supposed to be, but thank God I am not the person I used to be."

"Jesus did not call me to my own obsessive standard of perfection, He called me to walk humbly and intimately with Him...nothing more."

"We hide ourselves because we think that we're protecting ourselves and our shame, but all we're doing is preventing ourselves from something good. We try to push God out because of our fear of being hurt by people."

"Sometimes we question if God is talking to our REAL selves or our pretend selves."

"God CREATED me and LOVES me UNCONDITIONALLY -- who I am is enough, for I am His PRECIOUS DAUGHTER and that is ALL that matters."

"...this is all GOOD&TRUE & I need to take it to heart, but it's also true of everyone else. I can not limit God's love and support and acceptance to just me; instead, I am called to try to love like Jesus."

"Pruning means things get trimmed off and walking on water means getting out of the boat and growth means change. And change is hard. But faith begins by letting go."

[this is the mission statement I had to forge over the weekend. it's hard. but this is what i got.]
"I am a beloved daughter of the King and am, in this very moment, exactly where He needs me. I can trust His guidance and plan for me. Above all else, His definition of me is what matters and I will learn to see and value and love myself and others like He does."

the early service

to say that today has been a rough day thus far would be a little bit of an understatement

...though i vividly remember taking my meds last night, it looks like i didn't
therefore, last night i did not sleep.
yeah, no joke.
wasn't any type of placebo effect, because i genuinely believed that i took them
but my less than two or three hours of sleep tells otherwise.

when this happens my sleep just gets thrown off for a night or two
and i'm back to normal lickedy split

so this morning i rolled out of bed,
frustratingly wide awake for the fact that it was 7am on a Sunday morning
and got myself to the SAFMC early service.

Mind you, I've never been to the early service.
All of the college students go to the second service...
more contemporary worship, later start time, more students.

But this morning I was up
[and I'm expecting an important phone call this afternoon,
so the sooner i was back in my room the better]
and figured... why not?

Let me tell you,
I stepped outside this morning and literally gasped.
God is *SO* good.

The weather around here has been pretty consistent: cold
but not a lot of snow this week.
I stepped outside of my building and snow was flying everywhere
huge flakes, reminiscent of the lake effect snow i see at home
and an accumulation of around 2 inches overnight.

It was absolutely beautiful.

As I walked into the FMC I was greeted by all of the friendly old people
and called a Snow Princess by more than a few, due to the fact that I was covered in snow(:
I got myself a hot cup of coffee
and sat down in the front row of the balcony
(unbeknownst to me, I think I stole a young family's regular spot
and the row behind me was full, but no one sat next to me. oh well :)
I got to sing hymns for the first time in awhile
and just truly loved the concept of being at church, surrounded by people, and still alone.
I didn't have friends on either side of me.
I didn't have people to talk to, or really a single face that I knew anywhere near me.

February is the FMC missions emphasis month, so we studied SAFMC's mission text, Isaiah 11:9

for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea

let me tell you, this was an interesting concept.
The prophecy in the preceding verses, given 700 years before Christ, is equivalent to someone in 1314 accurately describing the workings of the internet. It's ridiculous how accurate they were!

...but the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord...
as the waters cover the sea
or, as was the example used today, as the snow covers the parking lot.

you take away the snow and the parking lot is barely recognizable
you take away the waters from the sea and you have no sea
you take away the knowledge of the LORD and the earth falls apart,
for in Him all things hold together.

Is Jesus an alien?

This is going to sound really random, maybe a little bit sacrilegious if interpreted certain ways, and potentially a little bit crazy. I'm aware of this. But just roll with me here.

Mr Prof, Dr. Cornell, talked in passing yesterday about how Jesus ascended with a human body. This means that, depending on your personal theology, we believe that Jesus is still out there in the flesh.
Kind of strange to think about, no?
So Dr. C hypothesized, albeit somewhat sarcastically, that maybe Jesus was out in the 17th dimension or hiding behind the no-longer-planet Pluto.
And that got me thinking.

Maybe He is.

I'm not saying that I believe that when we discover the 17th dimension, we'll find Jesus.
I'm not claiming that I know how to find God in the flesh.
But can you take me behind Pluto and to the 17th dimension to prove to me that He's not there?

Because somehow, in the complex and inconceivable thing called faith,
I have to believe that somewhere, right now, and in some way,
Jesus has skin on.
The gnostic way of thinking is wrong, because our bodies aren't prisons.
God took on human form  because it's worth redeeming,
He was fully human,
and I don't believe that He's shed his flesh.
He's coming back in the flesh,
bringing a very physical New Jerusalem.

So He's out there.

Maybe this Jesus is the closest thing I can believe in to an alien.
..and maybe, just maybe, I'm okay with that.











God in the 17th dimension
hidden behind the mass of Pluto
truth beyond fathom and proof
in"CARNE"tion : with meat
the God-man in the flesh
maybe drinking a Pepsi
amazed and in tune
so far away
yet full of personal interaction
with His chosen people
the little homo sapiens
back on planet earth

/ˈsōjərn/ sojourn:a temporary stay

every so often you just hear a song...and you fall in love with it.
for absolutely no reason.
or does that just happen to me?
anyway...


[Rich Mullins :: Land of My Sojourn]

and the coal trucks come a-runnin'
with their bellies full of coal
and their big wheels a-hummin'
down this road that lies open like the soul of a woman
who hid the spies who were lookin'
for the land of the milk and the honey
and this road she is a woman
she was made from a rib
cut from the sides of these mountains
oh these great sleeping Adams
who are lonely even here in paradise
lonely for somebody to kiss them
and i'll sing my song (i'll sing my song)
in the land of my sojourn

and the lady in the harbor
she still holds her torch out
to those huddled masses who are
yearning for a freedom that still eludes them
the immigrant's children see their brightest dreams shattered
here on the New Jersey shoreline in the
greed and the glitter of those high-tech casinos
but some mendicants wander off into a cathedral
and they stoop in the silence
and there their prayers are still whispered
and i'll sing their song (i'll sing their song)
in the land of my sojourn

nobody tells you when you get born here
how much you'll come to love it
and how you'll never belong here
so I call you my country
and i'll be lonely for my home
and i wish that i could take you there with me

and down the brown brick spine of some dirty blind alley
all those drain pipes are drippin' out the last Sons of Thunder
while off in the distance the smoke stacks
were belching back this city's best answer
and the countryside was pocked
with all of those mail pouch posters
thrown up on the rotting sideboards of
these rundown stables like the one Christ was born in
when the old world started dying
and the new world started coming on
and I'll sing His song (I'll sing His song)
in the land of my sojourn

blessed

College college college college college. I've officially been here doing classes and being a college kid for one month.

In an academic setting, I've never felt so excited to thrive. Roundabouts my junior year, I started to lose some of my passion for education and knowledge. I had a lot on my plate, and school was, for awhile, an overwhelming burden. I wanted to sleep all day and all night and all of the time in between. Senior year allowed me to start to fall in love with learning again. It was a beautiful thing.
So, on September 2, I packed up my important possessions and moved into Lowell Dorm, Gamma hall, room 214. I switched a class around, met quite a few amazing people, and fell in love with life here. I can not say enough times over how much I am loving the college experience. I've posted it before, I'll probably say it more than a few times again. I'm likely sounding like a broken record. Redundant and a little bit like an optimistic three year old   (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg).
And, finally, I'm getting a solid balance going on between Jesus, school, a social life, and personal time...and in that order  [:          The liberal arts foundation has allowed for me to put Jesus back at the center of everything. Not only do we start classes with prayer, but it's truly integrated.
We read the bible to study good writing and report skills as a model for our own papers. We pray as a class for level-headedness and clearness of thought before giving formal speeches. We hold socratic circle discussions about textbook material. We laugh and cry and eat lunch together and laugh some more. It's a beautiful thing.
The girls on my floor are amazing. They're like family, and I wouldn't choose another floor on campus for anything. Each of them is like a sister to me...or an extention of myself. I see parts of myself in them; parts of who I've been, who I am, and who I'm becoming. With my girls, I'm starting to learn to let vulnerbility show, because it allows them to be there for me. I'm learning how to read their emotions and how to be there for them when they need me. It's a give and take, and it's wonderful.

There is no place I would rather be.

my friend Fred

I would like to tell you about my friend, Fred.

I met Fred while I was downtown Boston this past week. I would guess that Fred is in his mid to late 40s, but I've never been a good judge of other people's age. His brown hair is turning gray pretty quick, and it goes without saying that he hadn't shaved in a good while. He wore glasses, the thin kind that you don't remember seeing unless you really think about it. When I met Fred, he wore a t-shirt that used to be bright red, but was starting to fade a little bit into orange. Fred has been living in Boston for two months. He really likes lemonade. He has a tattoo of roses and a sword on the inside of his left forearm. Fred puts up a tough front, but his high moral standards and compassionate spirit are close beneath the surface; he has immense respect for women and will always defend the underdog. Fred stopped an abusive boyfriend from killing his girlfriend; both individuals were total strangers to Fred. Though he doesn't show it, Fred really has a soft heart.
Fred is also homeless.
Fred isn't shy about his rough situation. He speaks openly of his gang involvement in Hells Angels Motorcycle Club (a world-renown gang). He brags about the guys he's knocked out with one punch. He talks about how much he doesn't like Boston cops, and how he's told them off; evading arrest by referencing his 'colleagues' and giving threats.

With my mentor an chaperone Charlie next to me, I talked to Fred for an hour and a half. Charlie and I gave him a sandwich and more than a few glasses of lemonade. We broke thru Fred's exterior. We even prayed for Fred. While Charlie prayed, I could see that Fred was moved. He was becoming a little more anxious, but at the same time curious about why two random strangers, very unlike each other and himself, would do this for him. After a few more minutes of letting Fred talk, Charlie suggested that I pray for Fred, too. I probably prayed for 10 minutes, but I have absolutely no idea what I said in that time other than "God, show to Fred...to me, to all of us, that You are more than enough." After I said "amen" and raised my eyes from staring at the ground beneath my feet, Fred was reaching under his glasses to stop tears from falling. I had to do the same thing, and Charlie kept saying "That was beautiful."
Moments later, I said goodbye to Fred. I'm fully aware that chances are pretty slim that I'll ever get to see Fred again. He had had a lot of negative experiences with the church: pastors that were unavailable, congregations that excluded him, sermons that preached condemnation over grace...all very real and painful stories that could happen to anyone, but were amplified because of Fred's disheveled appearance and "homeless" label. Yet, Fred was receptive in a way that I only hope we can all learn from. Though he had every reason to walk away from the love we were trying to extend, Fred stayed. Fred let us pray for him, and he gave us a glimpse of what his life was like. 

to travel {originally a journal entry}

There is something innately and undeniably beautiful about being away from home.
Don't get me wrong...I love my family. I'm a homebody. I love sleeping in my own bed and bubble baths in a familiar bathroom.
As I look out the van window at the world around me, there is a type of spiritual experience I've never felt outside of trips like this.

My bare feet up on the sunny dashboard.
Rich Mullins and Andrew Peterson playing from my ipod thru the grandma van speaker system.
Dressed in my traveling sunday best.
Hair and makeup done ever so minimally.
Surrounded by exposed rock and rolling hills covered in trees.
Underneath a bright blue sky with white, fluffy clouds sparsely littered wherever they feel like existing.
I feel blissfully alive.
Two decently mediocre cups of coffee in my system.
And it is nothing short of beautiful.

Yes, God is moving at home in Zeeland. But at home in zeeland I haven't spent nearly seventeen hours of the past 28 in a van with the same seven people (five of whom are cashed out at the moment).
At home I don't discuss the interaction of faith and modern psychology.
I don't have uninterrupted time to talk and think.
To discuss perfectionism while eating skittles.

I'm learning to be comfortable in this week's discomfort.

........

This is why I go on trips like this...
(besides the obvious reasons, of course)
it's a chance to refocus
and a reminder of what it is
to feel completely alive.