I'm not dead!

I think I've forgotten how to words to some extent.
I've been moving from place to place, I've been switching gears and hats and mentalities and filling different roles. It's been crazy and overwhelming, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat, exhausting and terrifying as it was.

So.
Basic summary of my life since January.

In January, I moved to Antigua, Guatemala. My first 3 weeks I spent with Florecíta, Brian, and Byron in the Hermano Pedro house on the south east side of the beautiful little town.
Then I moved to the south west corner of Antigua with Cindy and Anderson, where I spent 3.5 months. We were gone quite a few weekends, everywhere from visiting the capital to the ocean to the rainforest.
Then in May, I moved back stateside, where I spent 2.5 weeks or so in Michigan with my family trying to manage some crazy reverse culture shock and re-adjust to speaking English and driving cars.
And then I spent 11 weeks in Indianapolis as an Immigrant Justice Intern at Neighborhood Christian Legal Clinic, which entailed driving, translating, interpreting, note-taking, phone-call-making, scanning, driving, visiting, listening, question-asking, people-loving and making-it-up-as-I-went.
Return to Michigan for 2 weeks, where I unpacked from a semester of college, Guatemala, Indy, and then repacked everything for a semester. Oh, and worked for a week and a half.
Now it's back at the arbor, where I'm finally settling again.

It's hard to go back to being a student after living abroad and interning out of state. I have literally walked in the places that we're learning about in Latin American civilization (um, Mayan dialects? Ziggurats vs. temples vs. pyramids? corrupt governments? history? walked it, seen it, got the t-shirt) and I've implemented the strategies that all of my social work classes this semester are covering. (Practice with Groups? Practice with Communities and Organizations? Social Welfare Policy? Macro social work, guys. Macro social work. That's kind of what program management looks like. That's kind of what nonprofit life looks like. That's kind of what my summer looked like.)
I'm not saying that I'm somehow superior to other students, because we've all got a lot of learning to do yet, but it's hard to change my mindset back to that of a student.Especially when that student mindset means reading hours a week for each of my classes and sitting at a desk taking notes on lectures.

This last year is going to be a challenging one. I've got 15 credits this semester, one class plus hopefully registration for my honors thesis (a year long, 60+ page project) in January, and then a 10 credit internship, 1 credit internship seminar, 3 credit online class, and 3 credit Spanish class (17 credit hours of crazy, thank you very much).
Basically, the goal is to survive and graduate and in that process figure out what in the crazy world I'm supposed to do with my life after graduation. And that's a massive, already-looming question of applying to graduate schools, sending out job applications, and trying to line things up.
I'm not sure I want to stay in Michigan, but that means that I'm looking at schools in Indianapolis, northern Virginia, and can't for sure rule out anything in between them.

So right now, I'm making it up as it comes to me.
God has been teaching me some amazing things, and I'm thankful that He's doing it so gently and patiently. For the past 9 months, all He has done is carried me and given me just enough clarity to get to the next half step, commit to it, and trust through the whole messy process. So as I start on graduate school applications, pray over my future, and try to remain present in my final two semesters, all I can do is trust that He will continue to do just that.

Spiritual Life Retreat

This is the highlight of my past week...quite possibly a semester highlight as well.

This is the group of us that went on the 44th annual SLR (spiritual life retreat, although we don't like that name particularly because it makes it sound like all we do is get up early, sit in silence and read our bibles like monks, eat rice and beans, and then have theological conversations long into the night.
Yes, this is a conversation we had.."the connotations of 'SLR'" :)

We took off from campus on friday afternoon, and spent our weekend just doing life together. Worship, meals, four-square, naps, hikes, teeter-totters, homework, devotions, bonfires, canoes, donuts...you name it.
I got quite a bit of homework done, which was nice, but the fresh air and emotional space were very, very much what I needed.
I didn't know all of these people coming into the weekend. I don't know all of them incredibly well now. But I did get to meet a couple people, and I did get to worship alongside each of them. Stories and testimonies were shared openly, transparently. It was honest and beautiful and probably the most real, grounded weekend I have had in a very long time. I think it was 18 people that ended up being baptized in the lake on Sunday (there may or may not have been tears).

I'm so thankful that I get to call this campus home, that I get to live and learn and worship with these people on a daily basis. I'm glad I was able to go to my second SLR, and I look forward to next year doing the same(:

how to love this college student: a step by step guide.

Being away at college is a wonderful and beautiful thing.
I love it here, it's where I'm supposed to be. My heart is full of joy and my head is (sometimes a little bit too) full of knowledge. There is no doubt that Spring Arbor is the place I'm called to call home for the time being.
But yeah, it can be a little weird. You feel like you have two separate lives in two different places, and trying to balance responsibilities as a daughter, sister, resident of Zeeland, etc., alongside those of a student, friend, and individual..it gets a little hairy sometimes, especially when the demands here at school can be a lot more intense than those at home.

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN HOME, I PROMISE!
It's just that here is where I get to be physically, where I live my life right now.

Want to help bridge the disconnect?

Words are my biggest love language, followed by time and gifts, in that order. Facebook messages are nice, sure, but I love getting letters and packages so much. It's a reminder that people back home still take the time to think of me, to make me a part of their lives, even while I'm at school.

How to prepare an AMAZING package:
(1) write a letter. tell me what you're doing. share a bible passage. tell me something stupid you did yesterday. share your favorite quote. color me a picture. I don't care, just keep it real.
(2) knickknacks! YAY!! As nice as it is, sometimes cash and huge gifts aren't what I really need (and, let's be honest, where's the fun in that?!) Some random, fairly inexpensive ideas of things that are super helpful are gum, nail polish, washi tape, dried fruit (current obsession, actually, the stuff is AHHHMMAZING), stamps, sticky notes, photos, tea, and the like. Just little stuff that you encounter while you're out and about that just kind of scream "I bet Julia'd love that!"
(3) Pack it. UPS has those flat rate boxes, which I assume help if you've got something randomly super heavy? But the more decoration the box has, the more fun it is to open. My family sometimes wraps boxes in newsprint paper so they can color all over it. It's just the little things that scream 'I took the time to do this for you because I care!'
(4) I try to make a point of thanking people and telling them when their letters or packages arrive, but it's not exactly one of my strong points. Please don't hate me if I don't get back to you or don't share a long, heartfelt reply. Life is crazy, and I truly treasure every little letter that I get, but life is crazy here, especially with the academic demands of this semester and all of the preparation I have for this spring.

Send your little letters or packages to (yes, packages can be sent to a box number:)  :

      Julia Klynstra - box 403
      Spring Arbor University
      106 E. Main St.
      Spring Arbor, Michigan
                              49283

welcome home.

I am so very thankful to be back on my 'home turf' here at the arbor.
After a summer of lots of work, a fair amount of crazy, a few naps, oh, and more work, I am back to the place of color-coordinated schedules and school supplies running my life.
I'm one of those crazy people that just genuinely loves school. I love the routine and the learning and the being pushed by profs to really reach out and make myself better.

I'm taking 'just' four classes this semester, though each of them will be challenging in their own way and they bring me up to 14 credits, near the crazy busy end of 'full time student' classification.

• Physiological Psychology
  This is the class that terrifies me slightly. I'm not going to lie, the professor is intimidating. This class has a reputation for being one of the most difficult classes on campus, but I'm going at it full force. We'll be studying brain physiology and it's implications on psychology. We'll be covering everything from sexuality to schizophrenia to prescription medications and how each topic occurs within the brain and body at a neurological level.
  It's no secret that science isn't always my strong point. However, knowing that (1) I'll be able to apply it in my career field on a daily basis because (2) I really am leaning towards to working in a clinical setting. This will be day-to-day stuff for me as a working professional. Overwhelming, but also oh so exciting!

• Statistics for Behavioral Analysis
  Math, the other of my less-than-favorite subjects. However, the prof is the single sweetest grandmotherly type woman I have ever met. She's 67 years old, intent on retiring after this year, and also a genius. This is another class that's going to take a lot of work for me to do well in, but it's all work that's going to be able to benefit me after I leave the arbor for 'work world.' A lot of it will be directly applicable to understanding how research studies are conducted and the implications of such methods on interpreting studies.
  Social work application? Reading study after study of new research, medications, and hypothesis on human behavior in order to better serve clients. Right up my clinical social work alley.

• Research Design
  As it turns out, I haven't actually had this class yet. We'll meet every Wednesday night for three hours. The prof is my academic adviser, who's a sweetheart, but relatively new to the teaching portion of our social work department. However, I'm confident that she'll be amazing. Research design is the practical, hands-on side of stats, where we'll really be working on decoding (and possibly conducting?) some research in order to better understand the process and validity of findings and such.

• Core 300
  Oh, the COR program. Core 100 is Spring Arbor's freshman orientation type class. I opted out of Core 200 because of my Spanish minor (and because I have NO wiggle room in my schedule for fun stuff beyond a one credit here and there, which I prefer to think of as nap breaks in semesters instead of holes to fill). Core 300 is officially entitled "Christian Faith: It's Practices," but it's always just referred to as Core 3. The class is up to a lot of interpretation based on the professor that teaches it, but all center around faith formation and personal faith development.
  Ever since hearing Dr. Laura talk at a chapel last spring, I've had the desire to figure out a way to take one of her classes. However, she's a youth/camping/general ministry prof...not exactly room in my schedule. When I found out she taught Core 3, it was one of the first classes I plugged in because I knew I was going to find a way to take it. She's just the kind of person that you want to be around and soak up their wisdom. I have so much respect for her and am looking forward to listening to her lecture and talk with us.
  (Also, one of our assignments is to take a bible, journal, and food with us to someplace completely quiet or isolated in nature and hang out there for three or four hours and just practice listening for God. This is so right up my alley!)

So that's what my semester is going to look like from an academic perspective. Honestly, this will probably be the most challenging semester of my entire academic career. I'm excited for the challenge, anxious for the work load, and basically just all around ready to give it my all and see what God does on campus and in my life this semester.

the adventure that has been Beta 3.

Alright guys, time for sentimentality.
I leave this beautiful place tomorrow afternoon, and in the wise words of A. A. Milne,

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying 'goodbye' so hard.

We slept in a tent. It froze that night.
So did we. But we did indeed make it
an entire evening in a single tent...
we started a bonfire all by ourselves
(let me tell you, that was the real
struggle of the evening) and we
laughed until our guts hurt, only to
calm down and start laughing all
over again.
We got pranked by campus safety
at some ungodly hour, we spent
some serious time looking at the
stars, and we roasted our socks
on sticks so we could at least have
warm feet to sleep with.

I am honestly so thankful to have lived and served as the Spiritual Life Adviser (SLA) on the beautiful place that is Beta 3. Over the course of the year, we developed a bit of a reputation as 'that floor that does all the cute stuff'.' We made cards and delivered them to the retirement home, we made and decorated Christmas cookies for all of the groups on campus (health center/student development/academic affairs/etc.), and we surprise gifted some people who we identified as needing a little extra smile.

I couldn't pick just one picture or favorite memory, so in the captions beneath these are some of my favorite memories.

There are always a lot of summer birthdays and usually
summer birthdays go uncelebrated. NOT SO on Beta 3.
About a week ago, before finals really got crazy but
late enough that we were really starting to feel the
stress kick in, we had a mass 'birthday party' for summer
birthdays, for our friendship, and just to spend a little
more time together. And of course we went all out
with streamers, ice cream (and even lactose free
ice cream because so many of us are lactose intolerant!),
balloons, music, games and more sprinkles than anyone
would have thought we could have use for.

In addition to our mass birthday
party celebration, if our birthday
was during the year, every single
one of us woke up to balloons,
streamers, a sign, and a little note.
It was so encouraging to watch
every girl see her little reminder
that this floor really cares for
each other no matter what.

Worship nights were some of my favorite nights all year.
We had a floor with multiple very talented musicians,
be it with vocals, guitars, or ukuleles (: Every so often,
we'd hold a worship night and sing through some of our
favorite songs and take the time to really just worship
alongside each other. I found these nights really powerful
and it truly warmed my heart that the girls really took
100% of the initiative of them. As the SLA, I was the
one that was expected would really be pushing for
spiritual life and development on the floor, but these
girls knew what was up and how to make their own faith
stories a priority.. HUGE blessing.

So now, as the academic year comes to a close, I can honestly say that it has been one of the best years of my life.

Being an SLA was incredible. It really put me in a position to be looking for and to witness so much that God was doing on campus and, more specifically, in the lives of my girls. Sure, there were moments when I wanted to scream and run away from the responsibility, but it taught me a lot about humility, total reliance on God, recognizing my own ignorance, and the true importance of being a woman constantly in the word. 

My physical, emotional, mental, psychological, and spiritual health have all been pushed in different ways this semester, but I can honestly say that I'm coming out on top of it with my head on straight and a really big smile on my face.

My grades this year all but blew those of freshman year out of the water, and I'm back on track for my ultimate goal of graduating cum laude. 

I applied for, have officially been accepted into, and am now enrolled for a semester abroad in the beautiful little city of Antigua, Guatemala next year (I leave in 237 days, if you're wondering, not like I'm counting or anything) where I will have the chance to experience total immersion into the Spanish language and Guatemalan culture.

Over two semesters I completed two honors courses, 18 credits within my major, and three for one of my minors -- and totaled 35 credit hours. Though not official yet, my year-long GPA will be about a 3.8. I brewed too much coffee and bought too much coffee, I drank a couple too many energy drinks and got a little bit shy of the ideal number of hours of sleep. I've laughed and cried, sometimes within the same two minute span, but it has truly been a beautiful blessing and one that I would not trade for the world.

Thank you for journeying with me, for surrounding me with prayer, for believing with me and standing beside me. The friendships, mentorships, and relationships that have developed and flourished this year are things that I don't take lightly.

It only seems fitting to close this year with the words of Gary Allan and a song that randomly got stuck in my head today but could not fit better with how I'm feeling about the end of this crazy journey of sophomore year.

life ain't always beautiful

sometimes it's just plain hard

life and knock you down,

it can break your heart

life ain't always beautiful

you think you're on your way

and it's just a dead end road

at the end of the day

but the struggles make you stronger

and the changes make you wise

and happiness has its own way

of takin' it's sweet time

no, life ain't always beautiful

tears will fall sometimes

life ain't always beautiful

but it's a beautiful ride

life ain't always beautiful

some days I miss your smile

I get tired of walkin'

all these lonely miles

and I wish for just one minute

I could see your pretty face

guess I can dream,

but life don't work that way.

but the struggles make you stronger

and the changes make you wise

and happiness has its own way

of takin' it's sweet time

no, life ain't always beautiful

but I know I'll be fine

hey, life ain't always beautiful

but it's a beautiful ride

what a beautiful ride

spring semester and life stuff.

FIRST OF ALL.
This blog has been woefully neglected and fallen short of my overly-ambitions plans for it.
Expect some different sorts of post and randomness...I'm hopefully going to get a label/tagging system going on so you can find what you're looking for. I'm also taking down a lot of the old stuff because, let's be honest, you don't really want to read it and I don't really want my high school processing on display for the world. So just hang tight, guys(:
Also, this post is going to be a mashup of a lot of different little things that need to get said but aren't really enough to constitute a post and they're all in my head right now. Again, just hang tight(:


SCHOOL.
My classes are engaging, challenging, and empowering.
Honestly, I love everything about academics here. My biggest class has 40 people in it, my smallest has 15. I'm learning and growing and... it is so good.
What I'm taking:

• MUS152H : Honors Music Foundations
• This is one of those gen eds that I roll my eyes at just a little bit. I took 8 or 9 years of piano lessons. I was a little apprehensive coming into it, but Dr. Kim really pushes us. She's a musical genius and expects a lot out of us because we're an honors class, so it's challenging for me, even with my musical background. (I don't know how some of my classmates are handling it! It's a lot of stuff!!) Funny story: We sang 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' about six times as a class different ways. Just a heads up, it does NOT work in a round. AT ALL. So we laugh, we get really confused, we watch youtube BBC lectures, and we listen to music. All good stuff.
• PSY306 : Adolescent and Early Adult Development
• The first class period, Dr. Pardee established that "adolescence is a weird time and adolescents are weird and so in this class we're going to do a lot of stuff that feels really weird because that's how you understand the kids." We were put into semester-long groups based on our favorite ice cream; "Go get in your ice cream groups" is a pretty common thing to hear. This class is kind of challenging because I didn't take PSY100 (Intro to Psych) here because of AP credits. I covered all of the same material and retained almost all of it from high school, but we just emphasized different things so I always feel like I'm half a step behind because the basics take me just a second longer.
  But honestly, I really do enjoy this class. It really solidifies for me that adolescents are my target population. I'm becoming more and more drawn to the field of counseling in some capacity and working with adolescents and children. Understanding how brains and personality work and develop and just how crucial those years are are a huge motivating factor in this and I LOVE IT!
• SWK335 : Interviewing
• This class is basically "working with clients and asking good questions 101." The Social Work program has a really strong base in the Strengths Perspective [there are a million different foundations for Social Work. Here we start by focusing what the client (which can be an individual all of the way up to a community or organization) is good at and using that to make positive change]. The class size is kept intentionally small (15 or 16 of us) so that we really have to be vulnerable and get to know each other. We learn how to accept help, how to be the best person we can be, how to conduct ourselves as Social Workers working with individuals, what ethical practice looks like, and so so so very much more.
  The professor is also one of the most sought-after profs in the major, especially because it's his last semester teaching Social Work classes. If you've ever heard of Christian author Richard Foster (I hadn't until I landed here and had Nathan), my prof is his son. He's someone that really genuinely believes in our potential as future social workers and has such a passion for personal development that it blows my socks off.
• SWK340 : Practice with Individuals and Families
• Individuals & Families is a pairing class with Interviewing. This one we focus more on logistics of working with clients, writing assessments, researching, and other academic-type professional things. It's a night class, which means that it's a lot of reading and then showing up and talking about it for three hours on Monday nights. Bonnie, bless her heart, refuses to just lecture at us because she knows (1) we'd have serious trouble paying attention and (2) we wouldn't retain anything. So it's all group work, conversation, and practical application of stuff we work through together. Good stuff.

• SWK341 : Trauma Informed Child Welfare
• I can't actually speak to this one because it hasn't started yet. This is my online class this semester and, I'm guessing, it's going to be exactly what it sounds like. Online classes all follow a pretty standard read, quiz, discussion board format. I'm excited...so excited I may have already read about 1/4 of our textbook. Yeah... #geekstatus.

FINALLY.

I'm very guilty of getting frazzled and running around panicking and chugging coffee trying to {perdone mi francés} keep my shit together.
I drink a lot of coffee. Probably too much coffee. And if it's after about 7:30 pm, I switch to tea. And then I drink a lot of that, too. I run on caffeine.

This semester is busy.
There's a crap ton going on.
Life is crazy.
Plus, I've got some pretty crazy anxiety issues of my own.
But I am also quite unashamedly in love with every minute of it.
My classes, my friends, my schedule, my future.
This is what I'm supposed to be doing.
This is right for me.

After a really crazy stressful couple of days, I hit a moment of clarity yesterday afternoon:

I love this life.

I can't always say that I've believed that statement.
I haven't always been in this kind of place.
But my little snapshot cross-section yesterday really reminded me of how much I adore it.
It's busy, but it's home, and I am so incredibly blessed to really be able to say that.

the future.

So many very random things worth saying, so little motivation until now to actually write them down, make sense of them, and share them in a way that makes at least a little sense.

The fall semester has now come and gone and honestly, I couldn’t be more proud of it. After a pretty rough year academically last year [which I’ve been told is normal, but I’m not terribly proud of], I was on the academic honors list this year, earned a semester GPA of 3.83 [that’s four A’s and an A-, our scale is a little tough] and brought my overall GPA up by almost a third of a point. This honestly was such a huge relief for me.

I know, I know, grades aren’t everything. I tell myself this all too regularly. My main scholarship was never near being in jeopardy, but my good standing in the honors program and minimal honors scholarship were for a semester. It was a hit to my pride; not so much bragging rights, but my belief in myself. Especially because this fall I was starting in on more major-specific classes, it’s a huge reassurance for me to know that (1) I’m capable of keeping up to collegiate academic honors standards if I apply myself, (2) I’m not going to be struggling in all of my important classes, and (3) I’m genuinely loving what I’m doing and learning so much that putting in the hours to get the grades doesn’t feel like work.

I love Social Work with my whole heart. I love the program here at Spring Arbor. I love the professors in the department, the outline and progression of classes, and the group of people forming that I’m going to be going through many of the classes with (which is mainly Juniors, as I’m a pseudo-junior:).

One of the most sought after respected professors in the major is switching to creating his own minor after this spring, and I’m so excited to be taking a very small and personal class with him.

This spring, classes are going to be wonderful:

        Adolescent and Early Adult Development [PSY306]

        Interviewing [SWK335]

        Practice with Individuals and Families [SWK340]

        Trauma Informed Child Welfare [SWK341]

        Honors Music Foundations [MUS152H]

I do well with goals; motivation and ideals help push me to be my best. If I maintain the grades I did this fall, I’ll have no problem graduating cum laude…which is an ultimate goal of mine (requiring a GPA of 3.7 overall). I know it’s lofty, but we’ve already established that goals really help me to thrive.

I’m taking Introduction to Economics [ECN101] in J term currently…three hours a day, every day, for roundabouts three weeks. It’s exhausting and I’m pretty sure it’s turning part of my brain to mush. I’ve lost count of the number of times that I have been told point blank that I’m going to be broke for the rest of my life if I continue with Social Work. Truthfully, there is no other subject I’d want to be devoting my money and four years of my life to studying. I’m not doing it with the hopes of making a ton of money, building a name for myself, setting my own hours as well as being financially independent and all of that. My dreams don’t center on financial stability, a big house, and hiring people to clean up my messes so I can live in luxury. My dreams do, however, involve supporting the people that parts of society has given up on, loving those who feel somehow beyond hope, and leaving people better than I encountered them so that, hopefully, they never have any need of me again.

So, to my economics professor, yes, I’m pretty sure that I’ve been made aware that I will not be a millionaire by practicing Social Work. I respect that you were in the field for a good portion of your life, and I’m sorry that you felt you had to find a different career to make more money in order to support your family or whatever complex explanation you give us for your becoming a lawyer and then an economy appraiser and professor. But please, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop reminding me of my financially bleak future so that I can focus on learning the material that you’re presenting me…which I happen to already know because, yes, I did have to take an economics class in high school, thank you very much.

The class is a piece of cake, especially because his grading scale is intentionally forgiving; a 90% is a straight A, an 80% a solid B, and a 60% is all that’s required for us to pass. Coming from someone who took a semester of Economics and could have remembered how to manipulate supply and demand curves with roughly 2 minutes of explanation, I’m pretty sure parts of my brain have temporarily turned to mush. Hopefully I get the brain capacity back in time to make this spring semester as wonderful as it has the potential to be.

I love being an SLA. My girls constantly push me to be a better person, and honestly, this position has a way of seriously keeping me humble. Every time I start to think that I’ve got my life and spirituality all figured out, someone comes with a question or a discussion happens or I have a breakthrough that seems so simplistic that, when I share with them, changes us all in little ways.

Little things…like why “love” is the greatest that remains, above faith and hope. Questions made complicated in their simplicity, like, “What does living like a Christian look like?” or, “Why are we so afraid of being vulnerable with each other?”

I’ve had to try to help the girls with their homework when they come to me with questions in their New Testament class [it’s a really deep, busy-work filled class of hard questions; the poor girls are getting about as much sleep as I did a year ago this month…not very much]. Theology debates and scriptural interpretations and what gets written in pen vs. pencil and what’s biblical vs. what’s taught as biblical and how in the heck we’re supposed to even begin to understand a God that is so far beyond our human expectations and explanations. I am continuously reminded of how little I really know in the grand scheme of our Unfathomable God and there is no better place to keep my heart.

I’ve officially got a job this spring. One hour a week is all that’s set in stone, but the chances are really good that I’ll be put on the schedule in the tutoring drop-in center as well. As of right now, I’ll be leading a required study session for five freshmen in English 104: College Writing on Thursday nights. It’s a system of teaching that I believe in because it’s essentially the way that I go over things with myself, only made formal and given to someone else to lead them through verbally. I’m excited…because even $7 a week is still $7 a week.

If all goes as planned, a year from now I’m going to be in Antigua, Guatemala. There’s a little bit of confusion and miscommunication in the application process, but that’s just par for the course as there’s a bunch of people trying to do the same thing and I’m so far ahead in the planning game. In theory, within the next three weeks or so I’ll have my application figured out and submitted for early admittance. I was supposed to go to a scholarship application meeting this past week, but I was the only one who RSVP’d and they lost my RSVP, so that meeting gets to wait a couple of months BUT it’s that scholarship that will determine if almost five months in Antigua will cost the same as five months at the arbor, or if it will be even cheaper. [Yup, you read that right. The study abroad program is one of the things that really drew me here; a minimum of three weeks is a graduation requirement and it’s figured into the price of tuition. While I was at orientation signing up for classes, all of the parents of registering students were given all sorts of information about pretty much everything, including study abroad. Immediately after that lecture I talked with my parents, and my dad picked Guatemala as the one he figured I’d be going on. He was dead on, and I could not be more excited.] Assuming it’s cheaper, I’ll be able to afford to take all 20 credits of my Spanish minor in those five months, fully immersed in a beautiful culture and language that I’m so excited to study.

All in all, I’m really content right now. I’m learning information and schools of thought that will undoubtedly help me in a future that I am so excited for.

Anxious, absolutely.

Secure, not really.

Confident, intermittently.

Worried, undoubtedly.

Hopeful, most certainly.

And exactly where I’m supposed to be.

ramblings: a life update

I've been trying for days to come up with something worthwhile to say.
I have all sorts of words in my heart, but I can't figure out what they're trying to express.

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."    -john green

I'm just doing life here.
Sure, there are moments when I look up from what I'm doing and stare in a mirror, just to think, "What do I think that I'm doing with my life?!" but I'm going with the theory that this is something I'll keep having for the rest of my life, so I might as well get used to it now.
In all honesty, though, I know that school is what's important for me.

I'll admit, I can get jealous of people not taking the traditional route. I have friends doing phenomenal things with remarkable goals, setting out to save lives and shape future generations and doing it beautifully. And yet here I sit, paying tens of thousands of dollars to hopefully get some future-oriented training and knowledge and a piece of paper with some ink on it that says I paid the school lots of money to make myself write papers and cram for finals.
College is so logical! [insert sarcasm font...my life needs one of those.]

Tomorrow morning I have a pretty crucial interview with two important people in the Social Work department to confirm my admittance into the major. Everyone has to go through it... interview, references, and five page personal paper answering a crap-ton of really deep and philosophical questions. To say that I'm intimidated is a bit of an understatement, because I know that my past and current struggles are going to come to the surface mighty quick. I'm always very open about talking about myself, my journey, my experiences, and what it's taken to get me to where I am today, but I like to have a little control or foreknowledge of the direction of these conversations. Tomorrow, Nathan and Sarah can ask me literally anything, and I'll roll with it.

I am so blissfully content and thrilled with the whole "SLA" thing. I love my girls so much. They constantly push me to be a better person and I could not be more honored to do life with them.
It can be easy to beat myself up for not being as intentional as I could be, for not going the extra mile 110% of the time, for being human and sometimes not saying the perfect thing... and yet, life goes on. The world still turns, and we still do life together and it is still just as beautiful.

settling in.

I’ve found myself back on campus,

and I have never really felt more like home.

Classes are getting into full swing,

I’m busier than I think I’ve ever been with school,

and yet I’m content.

I know that I’m where I’m supposed to be,

living where I’m supposed to live,

studying what I’m supposed to be studying,

…all of that good stuff.

Being an SLA is…

it’s a little bit stressful,

a lot bit crazy,

a smidgen of rewarding,

and mountains of “right.”

I know that I’m doing what I’m supposed to with this,

it lets me take my story and my life experience

and pay it forward,

put it into action with my girls.

(Mind you, there are 28 girls on my floor,

22 of them being first-time freshmen.)

Classes…

ohhh, the journey of 18 credits at once.

A full time semester is 12 to 15 credits,

but I’m taking a 3 credit class

--“Tolkien’s Religious Imagination”—

that rounds me out to total chaos.

This class, however, is my favorite.

It hurts my head and blows my mind

because of all of the knowledge going around.

It fires up my heart

because of all of the religious parallels and connections

and it makes me feel like I can take on anything.

I can listen to Dr. C for hours,

which is good because it’s a 3 hour night lecture.

It’s just…

It’s a really good fit.

Aside from that, I’m taking

-Substance Abuse and Society (an online class)

-Honors Introduction to Philosophy

-Introduction to Social Work

-Human Behavior in a Social Environment

-American National Government

Everyone at home,

just rest assured that I know where I’m supposed to be.

It’s freeing, comforting, empowering…

It’s home.

Return to the Arbor

This blog sat idle for most of the summer because, well, there wasn't much to tell.
I worked full time on first shift at a factory in Hudsonville called Royal Technologies.
Honestly, there's about 85% of my summer stories.

But on Friday I returned to my second home; moving two hours from 616 to 517: Spring Arbor.
My family knows that it's nothing against them at all, but I've been ready for this day for months.

Now that I'm here, though, I'm realizing a lot of things... one of them:

I'm responsible to help ease the transition into and foster the spiritual growth of 22 freshmen girls.
Can anyone just take a minute to sit with me and think about the weight of that?!
I've told each of them today that as their "Spiritual Life Adviser," it's not my job to preach Jesus at them. It's not like I have all of the answers to life's deepest questions and, as one dad (albeit it sarcastically) asked me today, I can not recite the entire bible.
I can, however, have an open door, open ears, open arms, and an open heart.
After a few very long days this weekend of SLA training, talks with my wonderful RA-Becca, some serious self-examination of my heart, many many prayers, more than a few cups of hot caffeine, and my finally starting to get settled in with my roommate, Corina, today...I'm feeling more and more confident that this is what I need to be doing.
One of the important things that was stressed at training was that we should never feel completely prepared. Total preparedness means that our dreams are within reach by means of our own strength. We were really encouraged to make goals that would require us to rely on God more fully. This is something that's hard for me: I want to pick a reasonable goal, take logical steps, and make plans to carry it out. Unfortunately this really isn't going to be a thing that will get me through this year.

I can already tell that this year is going to be an amazing one, but doubtless, there will be bumps.
From the few short hours that I've known them, I can tell we've got so many different personalities, family lifestyles, personal habits, relational approaches, and life perspectives.
Yes, I am excited.
But I'm also anxious.
Because I know that I, in my own strength, am not enough.
But in Christ, I am fully enough.
I have everything that I need.

It would mean so much to me to know that this ministry would be lifted up in prayer by those of you back home. (Lord knows I'm going to need extra measures of almost everything!)

Welcome to College!

I've found like seven billion viral blog posts about things you learn your first year in college and things you need to know before you move into college and tips for surviving college and all of that.
I read those to no end in the weeks and months prior to my moving on campus.
As I reread some of them now, I chuckle && find myself thinking, "Well that's sort of true...half of this list applies to me...how come nobody says anything about ______?"
So I decided that writing my own random list would be better.
Not all of these will be true for everyone in every school.

A more accurate title for this post would be

"Lessons Learned by an Academically Driven Introverted Middle Class 

White Girl Attending a Small Liberal Arts University in a Small Town

 in the Middle of Nowhere, Michigan Studying Social Work and 

Participating in the Honors Program: Listed in No Particular Order"

but let's be real, that's kind of wordy...

This is for all of you high school friends graduating this year or in the near future,
for you family members && family friends wondering what I'm learning besides academic mumbo-jumbo(:


THINGS I'VE LEARNED//STUFF TO KNOW:

• everyone else is as awkward and insecure as you are. don't even try to cover it up, embrace it and laugh about it. you're all in the same boat.

• your grades first semester kind of actually do matter. and gen eds can be hard sometimes. so plan on putting forth some effort. after all, you're living at school to go to school.

• going in blind for a roommate sounds really scary, but it's not. DO IT! you won't regret it. you and your roommate don't get along? there are other people in the same situation on campus. you can switch, or you tough it out. either way you learn a lot.

• there are people all around campus that genuinely want to pour into your life. let them.

• the more honest you are with people, the more honest they will be with you. this applies to friendships, professors, and just about anyone you will meet.

• GO. TO. CLASS. it's the only way you're going to get information.

• SKIP CLASS. not all of the time. not all or any of your classes. but sometimes you desperately need a mental health day. choose those skips wisely, know the absence policy, get notes from someone else, but skipping once will not kill you.

• sleep is kind of really important. like. *really* important. you think you know this now, but you will forget.

• the food you had on your visit day is a treat. sorry, the dining commons aren't always that nice. pretty soon you'll be able to tell when there are visiting underclassmen on campus within about three seconds of seeing what's for dinner.

• ^^^however, there is more than just pizza and hamburgers. you just have to know where to look.

• you have more freedom now than you ever have before. it's a beautiful thing, but don't abuse it. just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

• you're going to lose touch with some people from high school. you'll find out who you really need in your life and who was just there for a season.

• there will always be people smarter than you. this is a fact. get over it.

• ^^this doesn't mean that you're not smart.

• find ways to give back on campus. profs in your major have all sorts of ideas and volunteer opportunities. [I'm an assistant in the CASE program for high functioning kids with autism; it's a hoot and you're gaining skills.]

• i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there's still going to be drama. different drama, but still drama.

• ring by spring is a thing. all of a sudden it's april and everyone starts getting engaged!!

• you will have friends of the opposite gender and people will try to convince you to date. don't make it awkward, enjoy their friendship.

• no matter how confining it tends to feel, there will be things about your hometown that you miss more than anything else.

• other people will find these hometown oddities ^^ absolutely HYSTERICAL. some of my friends are making a road trip to Holland for Tulip Time. Me? I'm staying at school. Too many tourists. But I look forward to getting their perspective.

• you will not get along flawlessly with your roommate every second of every day. you will fight about weird things. Example: the pronunciation of words like "bagel" and "vague." (Yes, that happened.) 

• textbook swaps are a beautiful thing. ain't nobody got the money for brand new books!

• there will be "those people" in every class that you want to strangle. some of them are the teacher's pets, some of them are the ones chronically late. don't kill them, it's usually frowned upon.

• if you're not comfortable with your floor knowing what you're venting about, vent quietly and to someone that doesn't live on campus.

• there will be really random things that you need to call home for. laugh about them.

• you're going to meet a crap ton of people during orientation. you're not going to remember half of their names, and if you've got one or two people that remember yours you're doing well.

• be yourself from day one. there's nothing more frustrating than putting the effort into getting to know someone, only to find out that they're nothing like they were the first week.

• SCHOLARSHIPS. APPLY FOR ALL THE SCHOLARSHIPS.

• find those people you can be brutally honest with. don't go pouring out your life story to anyone, but you're going to need those people and the only way to forge those kind of friendships is being vulnerable.

• weird traditions are okay. we have 'cheese tuesdays.' only they're rarely actually on tuesdays anymore. but a few of us get together and eat lots of (semi)expensive cheese and watch random stuff on youtube and laugh and just spend time together.

• the people who observe your weird traditions are usually just jealous; offer people cheese and all sorts of fun conversations take place!

• not all people who go to church are 'good people;' not all 'good people' go to church.

• everyone is at different stages. yes, you're all moving into school. some people are too mature for their own good. some people have absolute zero maturity. try to maintain some middle ground.

• the first week will feel like church camp. you'll blink and you've already fallen into a routine. it doesn't take long for school to feel like home.

• you blink again and OH GOOD LORD IT'S FINALS WEEK.

• finals week is scary. actually it's terrifying! but it's also 100% survivable.

• on occasion, you will find yourself doing things you swore you'd never do. this isn't always bad. but don't compromise what you know you believe.

• oftentimes the people giving you tough love are the people that really care about you the most. you're allowed to hate them, but also thank them when you realize that they've been right all along.

• when in doubt, laugh at yourself. because, let's be honest, the level of awkward and random things you do is going to be ridiculous. so make mistakes, laugh at them, learn from them, and move on.

the "HONORS" in my art foundations class

I'm a social work major and psychology minor. I love people. That's who I am. So bear with me on this little rambling:

There's this guy named Abraham Mazlow and he lived a good long while ago.
He came up with the concept that all of human's needs and goals in life come in stages.
Basic needs are at the bottom (the foundation) and more superficial needs are at the top.

The goal of every human being is to reach to top of the pyramid, self-actualization, being the best that you can be, yada yada yada. Pretty self explanatory:





Change gears for just a second with me. Honors Art Foundations: ART152H.
Memorize the names and artists of 50 famous paintings, take trips to the DIA and the Frederick Meijer Gardens, learn basic principles of art and design, discuss art at a professional level, so on and so forth.
But the "honors" idea of this course means we're also discussing Mazlow. Where does art fit into this?

Traditionally, Mazlow's hierarchy puts art and creativity as a self-actualization need. You have to have accepted yourself, gained respect and intimacy, and maintained all of your physiological and safety needs before you can think about creating things.
But I've got a problem with that, as does our prof.

If art is a self-actualization need... 
Why did people in concentration camps create art?
Why is art therapy such an important part of inpatient AND outpatient hospitalization for things like suicidality and depression? 
Why are things like dance and theater so freeing for people struggling with maintaining a healthy self-esteem?
Some of these groups aren't even above a "level 1" according to Mazlow! 

Here's a prime example from a friend of mine working internationally to end sex trafficking (check out her blog at https://meganstravels.jux.com/ ...her photo here:)

(Megan's words: )
"Yesterday we visited a former brothel in Svay Pak, a village formerly notorious for child trafficking. It was once estimated that over 90% of the children living in the village were victims of forced prostitution. In the brothel they showed us the one room they still have intact. At first it just seemed like a room to me but, then I turned around a saw this drawing on the wall. Suddenly this room was real to me. So many girls were trapped inside the four walls I was standing in. Some young girl probably drew this picture while she passed the horrific time between clients. The artist has a name and a story..."


Why did this girl who, according to Mazlow is a level 1, likely lacking even immediate safety needs, create art? Art did nothing to move her up the scale. Art did not make her safe. Art did not improve her immediate condition. Art did not erase the pain or the shame she was forced into time after time, john after john, day after day.
Why did she make art?


So here's what I walked out of that class today thinking and mulling over:

Art is a part of the human condition.

Art is a part of what makes humanity, humanity. 
We were made in the image of our Creator, and each of us has a part of the Master Creator within us. 
Organized religion usually falls, according to Mazlow, in the "Esteem" category. 
Dance and photography and creation and literature and expression are a part of self-actualization... but what if they're not?

Here's my proposal.
Somewhere between physiological and safety needs, we need to add in the concept of hope.
Hope is a requirement for the human condition. We have to believe that there is a chance, however slim, that there's something more than the brokenness we feel in whatever situation. 
If we're lucky enough to have been born into a middle class US background, this concept of hope could mean "I believe that I can become more than that label that someone put on me. I believe that I can succeed in this class/job/etc." But if we're not...maybe hope means "I believe that there is a chance, however slim, that I'll make it out of this concentration camp alive. I believe that there is a possibility for me to escape the cycle of prostitution. I believe that I can rise above my family's extreme poverty."

Art is an expression of hope.

But what about sad art? What about drawings of girls scrawled on brothel walls? What about photographs of death or abstract paintings depicting deep emotional turmoil? What if the artist is feeling hopeless?

Expression of pain...maybe even that is a sign of hope. 

What if we hypothesize that art created with the emotional mentality "This REALLY sucks!" is a simplistic way of saying the words that our hearts can't always fathom
...that maybe art created in pain is also a way of saying "Someone come take a look at this. Look at everything that's wrong with the present situation. Let me draw your attention to earth's brokenness and pain and maybe you or someone you know have the skills to pour a little bit of life and light into this situation. This is not fair, what are you going to do to fix it?"


So I leave you, me, and the globe (or the what...twelve people that'll ever read this post) with an idea...

WHAT IF:
Art is a fundamental part of the human condition. 
The need for creation is built in to us just like the need for food and pooping. 
Humanity needs to express itself in order to survive.
Art is as essential as breathing. 

blessed

College college college college college. I've officially been here doing classes and being a college kid for one month.

In an academic setting, I've never felt so excited to thrive. Roundabouts my junior year, I started to lose some of my passion for education and knowledge. I had a lot on my plate, and school was, for awhile, an overwhelming burden. I wanted to sleep all day and all night and all of the time in between. Senior year allowed me to start to fall in love with learning again. It was a beautiful thing.
So, on September 2, I packed up my important possessions and moved into Lowell Dorm, Gamma hall, room 214. I switched a class around, met quite a few amazing people, and fell in love with life here. I can not say enough times over how much I am loving the college experience. I've posted it before, I'll probably say it more than a few times again. I'm likely sounding like a broken record. Redundant and a little bit like an optimistic three year old   (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg).
And, finally, I'm getting a solid balance going on between Jesus, school, a social life, and personal time...and in that order  [:          The liberal arts foundation has allowed for me to put Jesus back at the center of everything. Not only do we start classes with prayer, but it's truly integrated.
We read the bible to study good writing and report skills as a model for our own papers. We pray as a class for level-headedness and clearness of thought before giving formal speeches. We hold socratic circle discussions about textbook material. We laugh and cry and eat lunch together and laugh some more. It's a beautiful thing.
The girls on my floor are amazing. They're like family, and I wouldn't choose another floor on campus for anything. Each of them is like a sister to me...or an extention of myself. I see parts of myself in them; parts of who I've been, who I am, and who I'm becoming. With my girls, I'm starting to learn to let vulnerbility show, because it allows them to be there for me. I'm learning how to read their emotions and how to be there for them when they need me. It's a give and take, and it's wonderful.

There is no place I would rather be.

SAU day one

As I begin this post, I'm 20 minutes out from my Zeeland home, an hour and a half away from my SAU home.
That's right, folks. It's moving day.
To say that I am anything less than terrified would be a lie. I've got my life packed in boxes, everything I get for the next six plus weeks in the back of the truck. I won't be home until the middle of October, so saying all of my goodbyes was a hard thing. Many of my friends are already moved in to dorms or situated with their new routines. This late move in has been bittersweet. It means that I got to see a lot of my friends off. I could learn from their mistakes and their facebook posts of things they'd forgotten. But I've also had to sit at home for two weeks and watch the rest of my friends get a jump start on their college/life plans.

The distance is perfect: depending on the driver and traffic, I'm between an hour and a half and two hours away. Far enough to have to fend for myself, close enough that I can come home or have visitors if need be.

Thankfully, thru this whole process, I have never doubted that SAU is where I'm supposed to be. The striving for community, the academics...everything about it has always felt like home. Psychology and Social Work double major will be work. But they overlap, so it can be done. And I feel like it really is what I'm supposed to be studying. This semester mainly gen eds, next semester we get psych 200 and philosophy and old testament survey...Things that I could not be more excited to dive in to.

So today, my roommate Olivia and I will move in to Gamma 214. We'll find a place to plug in my coffeemaker and hang curtains on our closet. We'll loft my bed and hang the mirror. We'll start to make Spring Arbor University our home.