Thursday, December 4

ramblings: a life update

I've been trying for days to come up with something worthwhile to say.
I have all sorts of words in my heart, but I can't figure out what they're trying to express.

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."    -john green

I'm just doing life here.
Sure, there are moments when I look up from what I'm doing and stare in a mirror, just to think, "What do I think that I'm doing with my life?!" but I'm going with the theory that this is something I'll keep having for the rest of my life, so I might as well get used to it now.
In all honesty, though, I know that school is what's important for me.

I'll admit, I can get jealous of people not taking the traditional route. I have friends doing phenomenal things with remarkable goals, setting out to save lives and shape future generations and doing it beautifully. And yet here I sit, paying tens of thousands of dollars to hopefully get some future-oriented training and knowledge and a piece of paper with some ink on it that says I paid the school lots of money to make myself write papers and cram for finals.
College is so logical! [insert sarcasm life needs one of those.]

Tomorrow morning I have a pretty crucial interview with two important people in the Social Work department to confirm my admittance into the major. Everyone has to go through it... interview, references, and five page personal paper answering a crap-ton of really deep and philosophical questions. To say that I'm intimidated is a bit of an understatement, because I know that my past and current struggles are going to come to the surface mighty quick. I'm always very open about talking about myself, my journey, my experiences, and what it's taken to get me to where I am today, but I like to have a little control or foreknowledge of the direction of these conversations. Tomorrow, Nathan and Sarah can ask me literally anything, and I'll roll with it.

I am so blissfully content and thrilled with the whole "SLA" thing. I love my girls so much. They constantly push me to be a better person and I could not be more honored to do life with them.
It can be easy to beat myself up for not being as intentional as I could be, for not going the extra mile 110% of the time, for being human and sometimes not saying the perfect thing... and yet, life goes on. The world still turns, and we still do life together and it is still just as beautiful.