Monday, May 5

dear little fighter,

I've only had the blessing of knowing you for almost half of your short little life, but you've gone straight to my heart.
I know that being not even two means that reading isn't exactly your strong point, but I have to believe that heaven lets everyone read if they want to.

Ayden, you've melted a lot of hearts. You've caused a lot of smiles. Your little giggle was contagious. You've given a lot of hope. You've brought people together. You've redefined 'family' and 'second chances' and 'unconditional love.'  You've touched so many lives that I can't even begin to chip away at the amazing little man you are and the lessons you've taught all of us big kiddos.

The few days that I spent babysitting you were introspective and beautiful. I saw baby Julia in your tiny, itty bitty, premie baby form. I took you on walks up north && people thought you were my kid. 
You're a sweetie && a part of you will live in me forever.

My heart aches for you and your family, little buddy. I take all of the hurt and the heaviness in my heart and have to multiply it in order to even scratch the surface of what your mommy and daddy and big brother and sister must feel right now.
But they'll be taken care of, little man. Don't you worry about that. We'll all make sure that you'd family gets the help they need.
We're all going to have holes in our hearts for you, little buddy. They'll take different shapes, but none of our lives are going to be the same without you. 

My song of prayer for your mommy and daddy and brother and sister is by Allison Krauss. I know you love your praise & worship music, but I like to think you'd have liked this one, too. 

"The wind is blowing down the quiet river,
a shining road that carries you alone.
Baby boy my love will last forever.
If you're to live, I must give you up to God.

I know our God will guide, protect and keep you.
Teach you faith and hold you by the heart.
Though your mother's heart is broken by your leaving,
her Father knows just who he is and who you are.

The wind is blowing down the silent river,
a shining road that leaves me all alone.
A life for you's worth losing you forever.
Some day we'll stand in God's fair land, forever home.

I wish that life wasn't always ending up this way,
with Heaven's love at stake and hell to pay.
But you in God's loving plan might be the missing part.
But you must live.
So I give you to his heart."

Don't you worry, little buddy. 
I know you're scared. You don't know what's going on inside of you, and neither do we. 
You can't grasp the idea of a God who loves you more than all of the rest of us combined, but He has a firm grasp on you; He is holding you so close to His heart. 
As you face your last days, bud, know that you're surrounded in so much love. As you transition from the valley of the shadow to your eternal rejoicing, the flannel blankets you're covered in will become blankets of prayers around both you and your family. 

Go in peace, little man. 
You don't have to fight so hard anymore.
We're going to miss you more than anything, but we love you enough to let you go into a healthy, free, beautiful eternity in the presence of your Maker. 


  1. That is beautiful Julia. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Anonymous3:39 PM

    Thank you, Julia. Thank you for sharing this with all of us as you so gracefully sum up many of my thoughts too. God has given you a gift in writing; thank you for sharing your blessing! ~ Nancy Dornbush

  3. So beautifully said!


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